Just wanna share the email I received from Ptr. Win, feel free to share your insights afterward:
Although the intended readers are women, this is a good read for men as well. *
A more important question is - how do you catch the RIGHT one?
Simple: You take only the bus that's headed the RIGHT DIRECTION.
First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second,
the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual
basis before it's made on an emotional one.
What about love?, you ask. I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful
above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer 17:9).
The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not
consider things rationally and intelligently - it just loves to love!
Therefore you have to point it in the right directions: "Above all
else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs
4:23).
Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out
his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe
that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then
marriage.
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and
accountability, learning and growing together.
Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another
exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal
of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and
preparing your life together after marriage.
But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts.
So when you do gather facts, let us compare the process to clothes
shopping.
Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining
a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the
same family - the family of God?
Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with
unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?
Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14).
You need to have common interest and values and agree on the
essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk.
You eat the same diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have
like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life
issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there
is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks
fare better together.
Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married
and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember,
women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then
look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's
not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's
not going your direction, get off the bus & wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right
for you will pursue you and God's hand in the relationship will be
clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who
finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord"
(Prov 18:22).
Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. >From the beginning of
time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put
them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene
and he will find you.
In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate.
Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do
not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to
help a guy out because he's shy. Men will do whatever they have to do
to get what they truly want.
The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price
in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain
your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as
a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested
that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love
him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it:
"We love him because he first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19).
Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of
men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need
only one man-your man, the one God has selected to select you. And
trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the
wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the
ultimate matchmaker.
Relax, sit pretty and allow your self to be found. Again - WAIT until
the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing
the relationship. You may have inkling that he is the one, but God
will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the
opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus
set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house,
only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his
intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take
care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he
needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the
means to be a suitable lover for you.
4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather
flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a
man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that
you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he
is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward.
Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!
5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her?
This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men
who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really
don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother
and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut.
Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your
life to look like his present family situation.
7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of
drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in
making commitments? Including the job market? Mood swings? Is a
problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or
shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation?
Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with
wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out
the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is
made of the right stuff.
8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that
vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy
DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he
is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is your guy guided
by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen
around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most
miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU
want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman
whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally,
cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man
who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is
floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy
partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings
of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man.
Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of
obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly
anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man
who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should
be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is
to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
9. Complementarity. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his
gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the
two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the
lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an
attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so
important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go
shopping always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have
in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to
what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes
and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on
the rack. It is too expensive a proposition.
If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely
reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to
consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship
expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for
a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does
he see you as the gift that you are?
Although the intended readers are women, this is a good read for men as well. *
A more important question is - how do you catch the RIGHT one?
Simple: You take only the bus that's headed the RIGHT DIRECTION.
First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second,
the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual
basis before it's made on an emotional one.
What about love?, you ask. I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful
above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer 17:9).
The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not
consider things rationally and intelligently - it just loves to love!
Therefore you have to point it in the right directions: "Above all
else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs
4:23).
Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out
his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe
that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then
marriage.
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and
accountability, learning and growing together.
Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another
exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal
of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and
preparing your life together after marriage.
But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts.
So when you do gather facts, let us compare the process to clothes
shopping.
1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man
have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ?
Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to
God as well as another co-laborer in the faith?
have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ?
Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to
God as well as another co-laborer in the faith?
Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining
a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the
same family - the family of God?
Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with
unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?
Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14).
You need to have common interest and values and agree on the
essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk.
You eat the same diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have
like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life
issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there
is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks
fare better together.
Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married
and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember,
women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then
look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's
not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's
not going your direction, get off the bus & wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right
for you will pursue you and God's hand in the relationship will be
clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who
finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord"
(Prov 18:22).
Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. >From the beginning of
time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put
them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene
and he will find you.
In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate.
Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do
not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to
help a guy out because he's shy. Men will do whatever they have to do
to get what they truly want.
The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price
in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain
your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as
a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested
that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love
him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it:
"We love him because he first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19).
Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of
men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need
only one man-your man, the one God has selected to select you. And
trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the
wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the
ultimate matchmaker.
Relax, sit pretty and allow your self to be found. Again - WAIT until
the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing
the relationship. You may have inkling that he is the one, but God
will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the
opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus
set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house,
only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his
intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take
care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he
needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the
means to be a suitable lover for you.
4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather
flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a
man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that
you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he
is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward.
Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!
5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her?
This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men
who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really
don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother
and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut.
Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your
life to look like his present family situation.
7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of
drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in
making commitments? Including the job market? Mood swings? Is a
problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or
shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation?
Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with
wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out
the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is
made of the right stuff.
8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that
vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy
DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he
is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is your guy guided
by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen
around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most
miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU
want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman
whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally,
cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man
who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is
floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy
partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings
of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man.
Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of
obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly
anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man
who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should
be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is
to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
9. Complementarity. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his
gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the
two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the
lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an
attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so
important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go
shopping always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have
in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to
what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes
and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on
the rack. It is too expensive a proposition.
If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely
reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to
consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship
expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for
a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does
he see you as the gift that you are?
The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless
jewel- because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any
relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable,
undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God
has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially
for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be
richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your
dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not
withdrawals.
10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the
man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and
has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will
care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love
for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not
something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher.
That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal
priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.
If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your
walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be
distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too
expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal
love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a
limited run.
If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your
love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your
union will not be able to survive.
So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love
worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve.
God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth
His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets
the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His
bride. Should you expect less
from a mortal man?
Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the
hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows
that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life
for free.
Your prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've been
with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to
leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your
hands for safekeeping.
Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so
precious. As I learn to celebrate your love for me, let me learn from
your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never
settle for less than what you desire for me.
As I embrace you as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the
haven of your own heart. As I rest in your love, make me more
discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that you take over this
area of my life. Keep me from those you know would hurt my heart.
I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would
draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to
the mate that You have selected for me.
Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse
me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I
see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own
understanding. I know that you know what is best for me; therefore I yield to your choice.
In Jesus Name. Amen.
jewel- because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any
relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable,
undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God
has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially
for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be
richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your
dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not
withdrawals.
10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the
man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and
has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will
care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love
for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not
something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher.
That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal
priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.
If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your
walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be
distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too
expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal
love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a
limited run.
If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your
love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your
union will not be able to survive.
So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love
worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve.
God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth
His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets
the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His
bride. Should you expect less
from a mortal man?
Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the
hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows
that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life
for free.
Your prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've been
with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to
leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your
hands for safekeeping.
Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so
precious. As I learn to celebrate your love for me, let me learn from
your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never
settle for less than what you desire for me.
As I embrace you as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the
haven of your own heart. As I rest in your love, make me more
discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that you take over this
area of my life. Keep me from those you know would hurt my heart.
I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would
draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to
the mate that You have selected for me.
Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse
me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I
see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own
understanding. I know that you know what is best for me; therefore I yield to your choice.
In Jesus Name. Amen.
yes God you are a matchmaker..in You I trust..:D
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